there are many kinds of silence.
there's a silence when there's much to say but one chooses not to say it,
a silence of stepping back, of ducking down, of saying, not me.
or rather, not saying anything at all.
there's the silence of not knowing what to say,
a silence that is the fear of saying the wrong thing,
of awkwardness,
of wanting perfect speech and failing,
of that comes silence.
there's the silence of brokenness.
when there are no words, when no speech is possible.
language requires a person there to form thoughts, to shape words,
with a desire to communicate between at least one person and another.
sometimes there's so much brokenness, a person is so crushed,
that there is no person there,
so there can be no desire to communicate.
so there are no words,
only silence.
parshat vayeshev, december 2, 1939
What then is the difference between the Hebrew words charish (silence) and almut (muteness)? When the Torah uses the word charish, there is generally plenty to be said but the subject refrains from speaking. For example, when Mordechai tells Esther, “If you remain silent at this time (im hacharaish tacharishi) then relief and deliverance will appear for the Jews from elsewhere; but you and your father’s house will perish,” (Esther 4:14) or as Moses says to the Jews on the banks of the Red Sea, “God will fight for you, and you be silent (tacharishun).” (Exodus 14:14) and so forth. In all of these examples, there is plenty that might have been said, but people were silent. Very different is the Jewish person who is, God forbid, so broken and crushed that he has nothing to say; who does not appreciate or understand what is happening to him; who does not possess the faculties with which to assess or assimilate his experiences; who no longer has the mind or the heart with which to incorporate the experience. For him, silence is not a choice; his is the muteness of one incapable of speech...
Joseph explains the prophetic meaning of his dream: “We were harvesting the field, and when the exile reached the state of meAlmim alumim, ‘muteness that is mute’ we were bereft of the ability to communicate even in our Torah and our worship of God. then, behold alumatii, my ‘muteness’ suddenly stood up erect. As first I tried bending my shoulders to the yoke, thinking to adjust myself to the difficulties and to live a life of muteness, but when I saw that even the muteness was mute, I could not bear it. I took the courage to cry out to God even louder, when alumoteichem, your ‘muteness’ surrounded mine and you took strength from me.”
כי זה החילוק בין חרישה ובין אלמות חרישה ע"פ רוב אומרים כשיש לדבר הרבה ומ"מ אינו מדבר כגון ׳אם החרש תחרישי בעת הזאת׳ ׳ואתם תחרישון׳ וכדומה שבכולם היה להם לדבר רק החרישו משא"כ כשאיש הישראלי ח"ו כ"כ נשבר ורצוץ עד שאין לו מה לדבר לא משיג ולא מרגיש אף אין לו מוח ולא לב במה להשיג ובמה להרגיש אז אין זאת חרישה רק אלמות כאלם שאין לו הדיבור...
מאלמים אלומים בתוך השדה בתורה ועבודה הבחינה אלם עוד נתאלמה יותר עד שגם כאלם א"א לדבר אז ׳והנה קמה אלומתי וגם נצבה׳ מקודם כבר רציתי להטות שכמי ולחיות חיי אלמות אבל כשמאלמים אלומים אז לא יכולתי כבר לסבול את האלמות ונתחזקתי לצעק יותר אל ה׳ ואז והנה תסבינה אלומותיכם וכו' שגם אתם נתחזקתם על ידי
