Parshat Shmot, January 10, 1942
i am not there yet.
you and me, God, we are becoming.
my doubts are my offering.
could I be better,
softer,
kinder,
more giving?
am i good enough? i may never be good enough.
i will be with you.
i am becoming.
This is what Moses was hinting at when he said, “Who am I that I should go to Pharoah? And how can I possibly get the Jews out of Egypt?” Moses was the most humble person ever to walk the earth. He was constantly asking himself, “Who am I? And how can I possibly get the Jews out of Egypt?” So god said to him, “it is not true that you are not fit, and it is not true that you have faults and blemishes, God forbid. Your self-doubting is itself a form of worship, the type of worship that illuminates the world, coming as it does through a chain of causality from the name of god that is the future.” It comes from the name of God, EHYE -- “I will be.” When a person feels that there is nothing worth looking at in his heart, but says, “I am nothing right now, but from now on I will try to be something,” his worship takes on the aspect of God’s name, EHYE -- I will be. It draws out a reciprocal promise of EHYE -- I will be.
וזה רמז שאמר מש"ר מי אנכי וכו' וכי אוציא וכו' שכיון שהי' עניו מכל האדם לכן הלך במחשבות כאלו מי אנכי וכי אוציא והשיב לו ד' לא שבאמת אין אתה ראוי ולא שבאמת ח"ו חסרונים בך רק מין עבודה היא עבודה המאירה ומשתלשלת מבחי' השם אהי' שלעת עתה אין האיש רואה בקרבו כלום ואומר בלבה עתה אין אני כלום רק מעתה אהי' העבודה של בחינת אהיה עמך
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